I hate to drag this me being a racist shit on longer than I have to, but since I know that I am not a racist, proven in the fact that I got close enough to a black stripper to smell her Burger King Fingers and because I like hanging out with black dudes because they are a lot cooler than white dudes and because I donated 20 dollars to the United Negro College Fund, I have no choice but show you that I have a black dude in my corner.
This is an email I got today:
Yo, you are one funny motherf*cker, I gotta tell you. I’m a black man and I read your blog every friggin day without fail and I know how you are, which is why I come back every friggin day…People always try to make mountains out of molehills, bringing up sh*t that’s ridiculous….keep doing your thing dog..you get much love out here (no homo), from black and white folk, so don’t let it bother you too much…you’re a genius, they’re just not intelligent enough to “get it”…
Here are those Britney Spears ass pictures because she married a guy who tried to be as cool as a black guy, but just couldn’t pull shit off proper and because everyone rips into her for being a pig, but she’s probably got a hotter body than the scraps you get with, even when covered in talc powder either used to find the wet spot or to mask the stench because it’s easier than showering, hater.
Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.
I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.
Here’s a little Marisa Miller supermodel at some superbowl shit because I am not tired of supermodels and any events,
We’ve already made it past superbowl monday’s traffic surge because it’s the biggest internet traffic day of the year according to my web hosting company and we’ve made it past super tuesday that I haven’t been watching the news because I am not American, live in Canada and hate politics and voting because my vote doesn’t matter. So I don’t know who won your event but I can assume that the republicans are doing pretty good because no white man wants to see a woman or a black dude in power and no woman really wants to see a woman in power because deep down inside they want to be the first female president because it was a childhood dream…and no black dude wants to see a black dude in office because they don’t even trust their own mother’s enough to not try to rip them off. So the democrats who all want Bush out but look at their options and realize another 4 more years of war really, recession and cowboy patriotic bullshit about freedom, isn’t as bad as having a woman or a black dude ruin what the country has worked so hard against the since the inception of the president’s job description….
I don’t really know what I am talking about, but I do know a mode when I see one, actually I don’t, I just ask every girl I meet if she’s a model because it tricks them into thinking that I think they are hot enough to make a living off their looks, and that’s usually enough of a glaze over their eyes to get them happy enough to show me their vaginas…..and this is Marisa Miller from Sports Illustrated and Victoria’s Secret and her big breasts in a black dress that you could have probably figured out on your own, provided you aren’t blind, which I think is a safe assumption since you’re making a conscious effort to not read this and not actually not reading it because the whole world is night all the time for you…..
I think that was called rambling on. I’ll stop now…
Making for quite the appropriate finish to another well-run cinema showcase, “Black Swan” was the main attraction during the closing night gala during AFI FEST 2010 at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California on Thursday (November 11).
Turning up for their film’s big night, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Winona Ryder all looked stunning as they took their turns in the arrivals area.
Also in attendance for the red carpet affair were “Project Runway” host Heidi Klum and burlesque beauty Dita Von Teese.
Due out in theaters on December 3, the movie is described as “a thriller that zeros in on the relationship between a veteran ballet dancer and a rival.”
Talking about how her time at Harvard University studying psychology helped her get into character for the Darren Aronofsky directed flick, Natalie previously said, “I think university taught me how hard I can work. You know, the first time you get your reading list for the week, and there’s, like, a thousand pages to read in four days, your stomach drops. But then you see that you can do that amount of work, and take what you can take from it, and create your own things from these other materials.”
She added, “And that’s really helpful when you’re doing something like ‘Black Swan’, to have all these resources, and work that hard, and throw yourself into it that much. It gave me the confidence that I could do that.”
Hi kiddies, it’s Sonya today, and boy have I got a morning wake-up video for you. Perhaps sensing she can only get money from being a vortex of stupid on The Hills, Heidi Montag continues her attempt to break into the music industry. I didn’t even know that she was trying, but according to Wikipedia, her album has been trying to be released since 2007. That should tell you a lot about it. Here she is in her shitty low-budget video, trying her best to look sexy. Her writhing is about as arousing as watching my dog dragging her butt across the carpet. At least my dog is smarter than Heidi.
Screen caps, in case you can’t stomach watching her:
When it comes to movie premieres, it doesn’t get more fun than the Hollywood debut of Kung Fu Panda featuring stars Jack Black and Lucy Liu.
It all went down in Hollywood, California as the “Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny” funnyman and his “Charlie’s Angels” babe co-star charmed the crowd and posed for pictures outside the theatre.
Miss Liu looked stunning in a multi-tiered ruffly halter-style pink dress with a pair of gladiator heels, while Jack kept it simple in a panda t-shirt, track pants and a pair of Puma sneakers.
Speaking of Mr. Black, Jack and his wife Tanya have just become parents again, as they welcomed their second child (a boy named Jack) into the world. They have an almost-two-year-old named Samuel as well.
Enjoy the pictures of Lucy Liu and Jack Black at the Hollywood premiere of “Kung Fu Panda” (June 1).
I don’t know why seeing the Black Eyed Peas performing together reminds me of some tired reunion tour I accidently stumbled in on at some dive bar after a night of drinking rubbing alcohol and juice just to see if it made me go blind…but it does. I feel like they all aged 20 years in the last year of doing their solo careers and that these almost 40 year old motherfuckers are up on stage trying to be down, for their audience of 40 year olds reliving the glory days.
I guess none of that matters, because Fergie has been stickin to the gym and is showing her ass on stage and that never gets old, even if she does. I am talking about expecting to see a 65 year old Fergie in about 5 years on stage pissing herself like she was in her heyday only I’m hoping she’ll be showing more pussy lips….because by then she’ll probably have gone through with the full surgery and it won’t just be the empty scrotum that it is today. That was a Fergie is a Man joke that probably didn’t work. Just in case you were wondering.
Bonus: Some Fergie Upskirt Pictures from The Superbowl showing us that she Probably Doesn’t Have a Penis…